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No Control

Tue, 3 Feb 2009
by somegosoftly

I’m feeling pretty lost right now. The reality of losing my grandmother still hasn’t hit me. The reminder stings – that nothing is in our hands, that we have no control, that we don’t get to pick when or how, not for us, not for our loved ones.

I want to move on, celebrate her life – do all those things people tell you to. I want to not be bitter, sad, angry or confused. That will take me some time. My grandmother was such an amazing part of my life- I wasn’t ready for that part to be over.

As we finally let go of a loved one who has died, we move into the last part of our “grief work”. This doesn’t mean that we become our old selves again. We will never be our old selves again. We come out of any kind of deep grief as different persons than we were before.                                ~Barbara Johnson

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Wed, 4 Feb 2009 3:41 pm

    I’ve always said, “Death sucks”. I’ve yet to find anyone who can prove me wrong.

    *hugs*

  2. Dadd permalink
    Wed, 4 Feb 2009 7:10 pm

    Death is faith rewarded for those who believe. Grandma believed.

  3. Thu, 5 Feb 2009 11:35 am

    That is a great Barbara Jordan quote. It gave me the chills and made me want to cry. I am so sorry you are hurting.

  4. Fri, 6 Feb 2009 11:00 am

    i read this short story a few nights ago, and I’ll try not to butcher the quote here but it really stuck with me.
    “a body is just camoflauge. all souls are just rivers trying to get to the ocean.” you should read this book, KK – “secret lives of ppl in love” by simon van booy. it’s a truly amazing collection of stories. :)

  5. Fri, 6 Feb 2009 11:47 am

    Snippy – Thanks for the hugs.
    Dadd – Thanks for the truth.
    KD – Thanks for holding me and listening to me cry.
    Sybo – Thanks for the suggestion. Will do.

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