Monthly Archives: February 2009

Company

You all read that list (that I can’t find to link to) and know by now that we’ve been running a hotel. It was my idea. We’re somewhere cool – tell everyone to come. Big hits in Seattle and San Diego. It helps us see more of where we’re living. And cuts our travel time a little. ;)

Well, KD and JC were here when I found out about Grandma. And as awful as I felt having to deal with it in front of them, I can’t imagine doing it without them. ND and NN being here probably got MK out of not knowing what to say or do. I bet he was grateful. I’ve had KJ and RJ here cooking for me and letting me nap. We all know these people aren’t just my company, they’re my friends. But it’s also nice to be reminded what a smart friend picker I am.

In other good news, it finally snowed again for the first time in weeks, just in time for ASH and NH :) It seems like forever since I skied, I hope I can figure it out again!

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No Control

I’m feeling pretty lost right now. The reality of losing my grandmother still hasn’t hit me. The reminder stings – that nothing is in our hands, that we have no control, that we don’t get to pick when or how, not for us, not for our loved ones.

I want to move on, celebrate her life – do all those things people tell you to. I want to not be bitter, sad, angry or confused. That will take me some time. My grandmother was such an amazing part of my life- I wasn’t ready for that part to be over.

As we finally let go of a loved one who has died, we move into the last part of our “grief work”. This doesn’t mean that we become our old selves again. We will never be our old selves again. We come out of any kind of deep grief as different persons than we were before.                                ~Barbara Johnson

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